In March, around the Equinox, I made an expiration list.
Things that had reached their expiration date:
• Hiding
• Fear of what others will think
• Scarcity
• Worst-case scenario thinking
• Control
The Equinox reminds us to recognise which phases have served their purpose and need to be released so that something new can be born.
I could see where I’d been trying to force things in many areas of my life.
And I could also see how supported we had been.
Dots were connecting.
Then, on the 20th April, almost a month after the Equinox. Coincidence? (I don’t think so) Plus, the energy of the New Moon in Aries seemed to conspire together.
The frustration of our situation got the better of me.
I’m usually pretty good at coming back to the present moment, but everything felt super off. I woke up nervous and worried.
I moved my body, but the feeling lingered.
I felt myself wanting to jump back into controlling things. Trying to make things happen.
Tension rose.
I remember asking, Why? We deserve so much better than this.
The next morning felt different.
I didn’t meditate.
I simply sat with myself in the early morning hours. With nothing but the odd birdsong waking up the world. And the snoring of our pittie.
Somewhere beneath the frustration, I realised what was really there.
It was me putting myself out in the world. I was reminded of an incident a few years back, which made all this make sense.
I felt guided to revisit a PDF about your Human Design Profile (From Christy Avis) and the ways we block ourselves from abundance.
A few insights landed deeply.
- If you’re a 5-line (I am a 5/2) and you don’t feel like you’re making waves—where people are paying you, rooting for you and cheering you on, while also having people disagree with you, misunderstand you, or even actively dislike what you’re doing—then there may be some deep conditioning around people pleasing, approval and shutting yourself down.
- If you’re collapsed under the pressure of doing everything you “should” be doing, with no passion, joy or genuine love for what you’re creating, it’s difficult to move through the other shadows because they can only really be addressed once you’re willing to be seen.
- And perhaps the biggest misunderstanding of all is believing you’re meant to operate like everyone else.
My core driver in everything I do is love and connection.
But the fear of rejection keeps me stuck in a loop.
This sentence stopped me in my tracks:
“You’ve been dancing the dance of being good enough to get acceptance and approval, while staying small enough not to push away that acceptance and approval.”
As children, our need for love and belonging is tied to safety.
We learn what earns approval.
We notice subtle shifts in energy.
We sense when people are pleased with us, when they’re disappointed, when they’re triggered, and those experiences quietly become part of our conditioning.
A few other themes surfaced, too.
Feeling like my writing and the ideas I want to bring into the world have to be perfectly crafted and world-changing, before they’re worthy of sharing.
AKA perfectionism.
But the plan/clarity I’m waiting for comes from taking inspired action.
Not from overthinking everything in my head.
- External validation surfaced, too.
If confidence only exists when the outside world validates us, it becomes incredibly difficult to keep going.
People pleasing, perfectionism and seeking validation are patterns I’ve already done a lot of work around.
But healing has a funny way of getting deeper.
Almost like an onion.
There are always more layers waiting underneath.
The last three years have been a journey.
In 2022, I transitioned to my personal brand and launched a new website.
But a year later, I stopped marketing and creating offers because something felt off.
I was creating from comparison.
I was creating from fear.
Fear of not having enough.
Fear that I wasn’t worthy of my dreams.
Fear that I wasn’t capable of co-creating a life beyond the hamster wheel, doing something I genuinely love and being paid for it.
I no longer wanted to create from fear.
I wanted to create from a place of inspiring others, to share my perspective and to evoke curiosity.
I kept writing, though.
I kept showing up on my blog and Substack.
I started a YouTube channel simply because it felt fun.
Then, in July 2025, an idea dropped in.
But the timing didn’t feel right.
Rather than forcing it into the world from a place of urgency and hectic energy, I sat with it.
I listened to what wanted to be birthed. Yes, I am that woo-woo.
By the end of April, nine months after it first arrived… another coincidence? Nope, I don’t believe so. It finally felt ready.
To be honest… I don’t think there’s anything quite like it.
I first shared it with my email list, slowly getting used to being seen again.
A month later, I shared it publicly. And today I share how it came to be.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you!
Held is a 60–90 minute session where you are invited to bring whatever is on your heart.
It’s like having a coffee with a friend.
There is no fixing.
No advising.
No strategising.
No suggestions.
A space where you are witnessed and gently held.
The investment is donation-based, and you can pay what feels supportive and accessible after the session.
How it works
- Book a session
- Show up exactly as you are. Even if it’s from bed. You’ll most likely find me in bed.
- After the session, pay what you can or make a donation.
- Share this with someone who needs it.
How To Support My Work
✧ My writing, meditations and Held sessions are all donation-based/pay-what-you-can. If my writing has inspired/resonated with you in some way, you can buy me a coffee (PayPal) or donate via local EFT transfer, or share this blog with someone in your world. It helps support our beautifully multi-passionate life over here. ♡
✧ Held 1:1 Sessions
Held is a soft space to slow down, process, reflect and reconnect with yourself. Find out more here.
✧ Meditate with me on InsightTimer.
Image Credit: Cole Keister on Unsplash
